Everyone suffers from the delusion that their convictions are right. Funny, that in a world rife with 'right' there is still so much wrong. I should stop to point out that 'wrong' is also an opinion, a word used to descibe behaviors, actions, or ideas which are not accepted within the society which condemns them. Often, revolutionary and terrorist are the same man, all that changes is which side of the social coin you're observing him from. I feel wrong must be defined by each man for himself, based upon his own ideologies and beliefs. My 'wrong' is personal and everchanging. I don't think people spend enough time considering themselves and therefore are in many ways less than they have the potential to be.
If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? Each day , we tell ourselves millions of litttle white lies to keep from having to deal with the heart of the issues. Actions are born of emotions, and emotions are an internal response of how we feel, we react. Regret is realizing that how you felt was not what you really felt. The problem with people is that we so often base our lives on how we feel right now and so rarely stop to ask ourselves why we feel that way.
Senior year of high school, just before graduation, my boyfriend and i split up after a year and a half of serious dating. He wouldn't tell me why. He told me it would hurt me too much. I assumed what any normal person would, that it was me. I set out to fix it.
At 18, on the verge of college, everyone was trying to find themselves. But how can you find yourself if you dont know who you're looking for? I wanted to know myself. Maybe if I could be real with myself, be honest and judgemental and forgiving all at once, I'd know who I am. No lying to myself, no holding back, no suppressing myself to conform. I know most people know who they are in terms of likes and dislikes, stances, relationships, etc. But do they know why? We are born with some parts inherent in our nature. We are then shaped by the world. (In the nature vs. nurture argument, I firmly believe there is a strong case for both. I believe that at birth we are born with certain predispositions which are constantly challenged and shaped and expanded upon by how we are raised. )
I was raised Christian. God spoke and created the heavens and the earth, Jesus loves me this i know for the bible teslls me so - Christian. When you're Christian, it's all too clear what is wrong with people. sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin SIN. But that's an easy answer, a cop out answer, when you're trying to find yourself i think. I'm not saying anything bad about Christianity or God, I just feel that when you want to know what 's wrong with you, asking a religion to tell you is kind of a cheat. As a guideline, yeah, it makes sense, but you'll never really understand why you do the things you do until you look to yourself for answers. If you're going to give yourself to a religion, you should know who it is you're handing over. We become who we are because of the ways we have lived. How many of us stop to consider the way we're living, and how that lifestyle becomes us? When the boy I'd been dating and I broke up, that's exactly what I did.
It's scary, to be alone with yourself. Having to think about why you do the things you do, what motivates you to do them, etc. It's rough. Having to decide what you think is wrong, not being told what is wrong, that's tough. It gets trickier when the things you find out about yourself that are odd or uncommon or strange. Are those things wrong? Are you wrong? Letting social standards delineate what is wrong or right often forces us to live in small, stuffy boxes. Set your own definitions, then do what you know is right.