I Hate Writing.

I hate writing. You know that one kiss, that one concert, that one sunset, whatever, that no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to verbalize? that thing which, every time you attempt to describe, leaves you mumbling, something along the lines of "... it was so... so... i don't know, i mean, ugh... you know what i mean?" yeah, that pretty much sums up my writing attempts. I get all these ideas in my head, people, phrases, places, situations, but they hit a brick wall somewhere between idea and paper. I want to be able to document my thoughts with ease, sliding peoples minds from sunsets to cemetaries gracefully. i want to write what i believe with such conviction that others (no, not believe it too) stop to really reflect on the things i've said. I dont want people to conform to my ideas, only to consider them. I've often thought, were my love of language not so great, that i would be vontent with my mediocrity, writing it off as "i did my best, but hey, i'm no bukowski." Trouble is, i love words. I love poems and books and lyrics and those beautiful phrases people utter unintentionally, which get lost in the ambiance of day-to-day life. My love for our language is so great that i would rather settle for despising my "talent" (that's a word i hear alot but never seem to see) or lack thereof and still possess the ability to both read and comprehend almost anything i put my mind to, rather than go through life unaware of Lovecraft's genius, unable to see the beauty in Ginsberg, and unwilling to believe anyone could be in love with a story older than their grandmother. It both delights and kills me, and it's why i've decided to blog. I don't anticipate readers, i just want to write, or try to anyway. I figure a blog is a great place to start. We'll see how it goes :)

1 comment:

Meleenia said...

Just keep writing, it will come. The more you write, you open the floodgates and out it comes.
One writer to another, one creative soul to another, one lover of stranger in a strange land to another. You do have a flair, don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing fine.
My best to you,
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